Back in the hippie days we had this saying: Reality is the ultimate bummer. Well, for a while lately that very perceptibility could be applied to my current existence. What brought such truth to my attention was this:

Barely halfway through my ninth decade, it’d become a Herculean struggle getting it up.

Used to be, twice a week, more, and away I’d go, darn near at a sprint’s pace. Then a month back, not having done it in a considerable while, a lovely young thing in her mere 50s came to spend some time with me. All was going well until…

“Let’s do it!” she cried enthusiastically early one morning.

“Er,” I replied, sheepishly, “how about going for coffee instead?” Guess who prevailed?

Twice during the deed I had to ashamedly pause to catch my breath and wipe the sweat pouring off my brow. My inhalations sounded like a runaway train screeching to a halt.

I prayed I would finish before my heart exploded. She, on the other hand, was performing like a machine. And when finally, finally, I staggered up to the top of that god-awful Ōhope hill where she stood waiting, I had to seek out a tree and plop myself down in its shade. Though I’m often taken for years shy of my chronological number, with a strict vegan diet and 10-12 hours of weekly aerobic exercise, plus daily meditation and a relatively stress-free life, still I cannot deny that abject seniority is creeping up on me.

And when the realisation hit that even I, world’s oldest living teenager, am susceptible to the rigours of ageing, albeit belatedly, I suffered a bout of self-pity. What quit that feeble emotion was the stench it gave off, even if it was only me affected by its sour aroma.

“Idiot!” I hollered at myself one day. “Look around you! You’ve always been a stubborn git, right?

Well, stubborn-away your woe-is-me melancholy into the rubbish bin and take note how fortunate you are to be who you are, where you are!” Ah.

These days I generally have a go once a fortnight. Without a curvy younger pacesetter, taking my sweet old decade-nine time, a stop or two to check out the amazing scenery behind me, I can manage getting it up that bloody hill. Just.