Lindsay Perham

TRUMP and Harris arrive on stage at the same time. Harris stalks over to Trump and shakes his hand.

Her mouth says, “Hi I’m Kamala.”

Her face says, “Don’t mess with me, I’m a prosecutor.”

Her eyes say, in the words of the late, great Hannibal Lecter, you are fond of quoting: “I can’t be bothered cooking you, I’m going to eat you alive”.

The look on Trump’s face says, “Mama mia, this is no sleepy Joe, she’s a woman from the nether regions. Hot dang, I’m the one who is suposed to manhandle women, now she’s going to kick my butt. If I didn’t believe she’s black before, I certainly do now.”

Kamala carefully baits the hook and dangles it under Trump’s nose. Donald strikes like a hungry kingfish. Kamala leans back with a smile thinking, “I’ve hooked a whopper, must be at least 140kg.”

Trump: “How dare you question my crowd size or any other size I’ve got. I know, I’ll throw her a curve ball, stating Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio are eating pet cats and dogs”.

Moderator: I heard the same rumour, apparently a woman flagged down a patrol car, “My cat’s gone missing and there’s a Haitian sitting on a park bench round the corner eating a leg. I think it’s part of my cat”.

“Don’t you worry maam, we’ll soon  sort it out.”

The patrol car rounds the corner, sure enough there is a Haitian sitting on a park bench holding a leg. As the car screeches to a halt, an officer jumps out yelling, “Gimme that leg”. Snatching it out of the Haitian’s hand, he jumps back into the car and says, “Quick, we’re off to the lab,” leaving a very confused Haitian shaking his fist, yelling, “Oi, where are you going with my KFC?”

Kamala puts her hand under her chin, grinning as Donald hangs himself with his own BS.

Trump faces the press, “Well, I won the debate by a lot.”

Reporter: “Mr Trump, does this mean you’re going to debate her again?”

Trump: “No more debates, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead”, thinking I’d rather holiday at the bottom of the sewerage pond.

On a serious note, Donald Trump has only two economic messages  –  A 20 percent tariff on other countries, which doesn’t make sense and a tax cut on corporations, who are the last people who need it.

He is demonising migrants to stoke fear and division. He doesn’t have any other policies. Why? An aspiring dictator doesn’t need policies, he makes them up as he goes along. All his talk of migrants eating pets is a smokescreen to focus the media on absurd garbage, instead of grilling him on what he is really planning.

Don’t be fooled by his apparent lunacy. This guy is as dangerous as a sack full of rattlesnakes, and if the American voters elect him, they can kiss their democracy goodbye.

Isn’t it strange that every American election is decided by seven to 10 states, which means the rest don’t need to vote, as their vote has no relevance to the outcome. They need to become a real democracy by changing their absurd electoral college system to include all their states to decide any election.

They have a senate and congress that doesn’t work, especially when each is controlled by a different party. Throw in a partisan supreme court, which makes a mockery of their justice system and you wind up with the greatest political soap opera you’ve ever seen.

They have had two assassination attempts on the star of the show because they can’t figure out whether he is the hero or the villain.